Deklan turns 4 in November and I feel like I’ve started counting down the days as if all of a sudden he’ll wake up the morning of his birthday and have his shit together. I’m trying to be realistic that it’s not like flipping a switch, but at the same time I have to believe it’s going to get better sooner rather than later or I may not live to see his 4th birthday. Okay, that’s maybe a little dramatic but the tantrums lately are coming so fast and furious that I can’t even keep up. The other night it took 20 minutes to work through one of his out of body experiences, we had just got him calm enough to apologize, and not even 10 minutes later I did something that he didn’t agree with – like, I don’t know, offer him the wrong bedtime snack – and it sent him spiraling right into another meltdown.

Recently, I’ve noticed that when he gets really mad he will search for the worst thing he can think of to say to you. Like if he knew what a swear word was he would for sure be dropping F bombs left and right. It’s quite humorous actually. He clenches his jaw and shakes his finger in your face, stammering over his words while his brain is trying to catch up with his feelings of rage. “You you you you you  you are the the the the meanest mommy EVERRRRR!” I really try not to let him see me laugh because that usually only makes him “sadder” so my new go to move is to calmly say, “you feel better now?” and then he’ll scream more and I’ll say, “there you go, let it all out.” For the record, this Zen-like approach has never actually helped him calm down so I don’t recommend trying it at home.  

Some of the stuff he comes up with is starting to make me wonder where he got it from. A couple weeks ago we were making the 2 hour drive back from the cabin when he pulled his nerf gun out of his backpack and asked one of us to cock it for him. We refused and proceeded to lecture him on the dangers of shooting guns in the car when daddy is driving. He swore up and down he wouldn’t shoot it so I caved and cocked it (fool me once…) but pulled the bullets out before handing it back to him. Little did we know he had more bullets stashed in his bag and said, “Fine. I’ll just put these ones in since you won’t share!” So I gave him the choice: “you can play with your gun as long as you don’t shoot the bullets, or momma can play with your gun for the rest of the day if you shoot even one of those bullets.” Before I had even turned back around in my seat he pulled the trigger and the bullet went flying into the windshield.

Me: “That’s it. You are all done with the gun. It’s now mine for the rest of the day.”

D: *kicks the back of my chair repeatedly and starts screaming, “YOU’RE THE WORST MOMMMY EVER!”

Me. “Deklan, we don’t say those mean things. I gave you the choice and you chose to shoot the gun, so now it is mine.”

D: *chucks a water bottle at daddy’s head while he is driving*

Chris: “Deklan Michael, you are making some bad choices. Daddy could get into an accident. Do NOT do that again.”

D: *chucks a sword at daddy’s head while he is driving*

Me: “Deklan, that is very dangerous! You stop that right now!” as I remove anything within arms reach from him that he could potentially throw next.

D: “I’m mad at you, Mommy! I’m going to spank your little bottom and pull your hair!”

Me: *Pull out my phone as I chuckle to myself and make a note of it for the blog because it’s just too good*

30 seconds later he’s snoring.