I’ve had a lingering headache for days now. I’m guessing it has something to do with the climate change after spending 5 days in California where it was in the 60’s, and then returning home to below freezing temps. Or maybe it has to do with the high pitched screaming to and from daycare every day since we’ve been back, because we decided when we got home that we were going to go cold turkey on pulling Carter’s paci. I know, I know I’m being a bit hypocritical after I had told everyone to calm the F down, BUT the meltdowns are becoming unbearable when we don’t have one, so my fear is he will hit rock bottom if we don’t pull it soon.

After breaking up a fight at pickup between Deklan and a friend over a plastic Spiderman ring and then listening to Carter’s relentless plea for his paci the entire ride home, I walked in and popped open a bottle of red wine so fast it splashed up the front of my dry clean only sweater – which I only realized after I took it out of the wash to dry it. C’est la vie.

Outfit Details

Chambray Shirt: Gap

Gingham Sweater: JCrew (old, also love this Tippi tie-neck one with it)

Sequin Skirt: Banana Republic (note that it runs about 2 sizes big. This is a zero for context. I’ve never been a zero in my life. It’s almost sold out online though so there’s also this navy pencil one from Ann Taylor on sale for $30!)

Booties: Dolce Vita ‘Conway’ (DV makes some of the best booties for the price point!)

Stemless Wine Glass: ‘This Wine Is Making Me Awesome’ 

Before I could even get my head on straight, Deklan started whining that he was hungry but “I never make him anything he likes” which reminded me that I forgot to put the beef stroganoff  in the Crockpot before I left for work this morning. Go figure. Let’s be real though, Crockpot or Instant Pot dinner was doomed from the start…

Deklan: “What’s this?” (points to the dinner roll on his plate)

Me: “A roll with butter.”

Deklan: “I don’t like it!” (chucks it across the table)

Me: “It’s basically toast, how could you not?”

Deklan: “I don’t like toast.”

Me. “Not true. You eat toast every day.”

Deklan: “What’s this?” (points to the meat on his plate)

*I see where this is going…*

Me: “Steak.”

Deklan: “But what’s this part?” (points to a microscopic piece of mushroom on the edge of his steak)

*without answering I remove the microscopic mushroom sliver*

Deklan: (takes the tiniest bite of steak) “Wah. I don’t like it.”

Me: “How about ketchup? Do you want ketchup on it? You’ll like it with ketchup.”

Deklan: “No. I want ranch.”

*I put ranch on his plate*

Deklan: “Blah. I want what you are having, but not the brown stuff or the big stuff.”

Me: “So you want the noodles?”

Deklan: “No. I don’t like noodles.”

Me: “Well then I have no idea what you are asking for since that’s the only other ingredient on our plate that’s not on yours.”

Deklan: “Fine. Give me some noodles but not on my plate. I need a different plate because there’s ranch on my plate and I don’t want ranch. AND GIVE ME TOAST!”

*Oh for f&ck’s sake…so I go get him a bowl and put the noodles in the bowl being very careful not to get the brown sauce or any chunks of meat or mushrooms in it, make him a piece of toast, and then I set said bowl and toast in front of his majesty.*

Deklan: “NOO! I SAID I WANT WHAT YOU ARE HAVING!”

Me: “Deklan. We are having the same thing you are only we have sauce on our noodles.”

Deklan: “GIVE ME SAUCE!”

*scoop sauce off the noodles on my plate and onto his and then pour myself more wine”

Deklan: “YOU DIDN’T GIVE ME ENOUGH NOODLES ON THIS CORNER! GIVE ME MORE RIGHT HERE!”

*scoop more noodles from my plate to his bowl until every corner is filled *

Deklan: “THAT’S TOO MUCH! I DON’T WANT THAT MUCH!”

Me: “Deklan. You asked me for more, so I gave you more. This is getting beyond ridiculous.”

Deklan: “GIVE ME A BIGGER BOWL! I NEED A BIGGER BOWL!”

*transfer noodles to bigger bowl and pour myself more wine*

And just like that he’s the happiest kid on the block and I’m half a bottle deep in wine staring at a half empty plate of a cold meal that I’ve yet to take a single bite of.

Bon Appetit!