It seems like every piece of parenting advice I read these days is centered around giving kids choices. Even when it’s not something they necessarily have a choice in, they suggest phrasing it in a way that makes them feel like they have a choice. For example, Deklan has been fighting us all summer about wearing his floaties in the water. He can’t swim yet so floaties aren’t really optional, but instead of telling him he has to wear them or he’ll drown, I say, ” you have 2 choices: you can jump in and out of the pool on your own if you wear your floaties, or you can hang out on the steps if you don’t wear your floaties.” He still usually throws a tantrum, but it’s short lived once they are on and he’s in the water.

Here’s the problem with giving 3 year olds too many choices though, they are not sound minded individuals so even though you gave them a choice, and they made a choice, they will still yell and scream at you once you’ve given them said choice because they really wanted the blue popsicle instead of the orange popsicle and “why didn’t you know that!” <Deklan’s new favorite line by the way> What do you mean, “why didn’t I know that?” I didn’t know that because you didn’t tell me that by orange you actually met blue!  And so the crazy train leaves the station…

A few weeks ago we went to the toy store to pick out a birthday gift for one of Deklan’s friends. I reminded him as we were walking into the store that we were there to buy something for his friend and not him. He nodded in agreement and then spotted the sword section and insisted he needed to have the blue one. “Nope. We have lots of swords at home, we don’t need another one.” I told him. “How about the red one?” he rebuttaled. And this continued until he eventually talked me into letting him carry the blue one around the store so long as he promised not to hit anyone and to put it back when it was time to go with no fighting. I’m too trusting. By the time we made our way over to the Star Wars section, he decided he also needed the Kylo Ren Mask  despite my immediate reminder that we weren’t there to shop for him. “But, I really need it! I promise I’ll go to bed with no fighting if I can just have it?” Okay now that’s actually a compelling argument. “I’ll think about letting you pick one toy if you can help me pick one out for your friend first since that’s why we are here.” I’m weak and I really wanted to hang the “no fighting at bed time” over his head for the rest of the evening considering daddy had to work late which meant I would be fighting that battle alone. After much back and forth between the blue sword, the red sword, or the mask –  and a pathetic attempt at getting all 3, he finally settled on the blue sword.

I’m not even exaggerated when I say we were barely out of the parking lot before he started screaming that he really wanted the mask and that I needed to go back to the store to get it. You’re kidding me, right?

Me: “Deklan, I gave you the choice and you chose the sword. I’m sorry but I am not going back to the store to exchange it for the mask.”

D: “I WANT DADDY! DADDY WOULD GO BACK TO THE STORE TO GET IT!”

Me: “HA! No, he definitely would not go back. In fact, he probably wouldn’t have let you get the sword in the first place because he would view it as a frivolous purchase since we already have a few swords at home and it’s not YOUR birthday we were shopping for.”

D: “STOP SAYING THAT! YOU’VE BEEN SAYING THAT TO ME ALL DAY!”

Me: “What have I been saying to you all day?”

D: “That we have lots of swords at home. Ugh. I know that, stop saying that to me. Those are the meanest words!”

At this point Carter who was almost asleep starts crying because brother is yelling so loud it’s making us all sad.

D: looks in Carter’s direction and screams at the top of his lungs, “STOP CRYING BABY! It hurts my ears! Babies aren’t supposed to be sad!”

Me: *bursts out in laughter at the sheer ridiculousness of this whole discussion, especially that last part*

D: “Stop teasing me! You make me sadder every day!”

And this is why he loves daddy more than me. Because I’m the one that buys him a toy that HE picked out and then refuse to go back to the store to get a different one when he changes his mind. Speaking of bad choices…he made a pretty epic one the day of his friend’s party that caused him to miss it anyway. Karma will get you every time. Ain’t that right, Frank the Tank?