No You Cannot Have Everything You Want

My in-laws have a cabin Up North, as we Minnesotan’s refer to it as. It’s just under a 2 hour drive, sits right on a lake, they have an open invitation policy, and we aren’t responsible for the mortgage or maintenance – it’s perfect. We decided to go up there after Thanksgiving to watch Aitkin’s World Famous Fish House Parade. Foolishly my husband assumed that meant I would skip out on Black Friday shopping this year. No sir. All it really meant was that I had to get up at 4 to be to the Mall of America by 5 when the doors opened. Merry Christmas shopping to MUAH!

About 30 minutes down the road I started to come down from my shopping high, and was about to settle in for some shut eye when Deklan announced with a great deal of urgency that he suddenly had to pee. Of course you do, even though you swore you didn’t the 5 times we asked before we left the house. I swear he does this shit on purpose. There is a long stretch of highway on the way up to the cabin with nowhere to stop for miles so his timing was super convenient. Eventually we spotted a snowmobile shop and pulled over. 10 minutes later Chris is carrying Deklan out of the store kicking and screaming uncontrollably. Super. Before I could even ask what happened I heard him yelling, “I WANT IT! I WANT IT! GIVE ME IT!” I assumed it was a gumball or something practical he was after, so I was completely taken back when Chris informed me he saw a child-sized snowmobile and demanded we buy it for him. I’m sorry, come again?

Me: “Are you serious right now, Deklan? Do you ACTUALLY think you can get your own snowmobile just like that? Who do you think you are?”

D: “GO GET IT! GO GET IT! I WANT IT NOW!”

Me: “Absolutely not. This is insanity. Bumpa has a snowmobile at the cabin that you can ride with him, so you do NOT need your own.”

D: “I WANT MY OWN! I DON’T LIKE HIS AND I’LL NEVER RIDE IT WITH HIM.”

Me: “Fine. Carter won’t have to take turns then. He’ll love that. Besides, you are only 4 and they can go as fast as a car. Let’s get real and then serious.”

D: “I DON’T LIKE YOU! I DON’T LIKE ANY OF YOU! GO BACK AND GET ME THE SNOWMOBILE!”

Me to Chris: “Is this really happening? This can’t be happening. What are we doing so wrong?”

Me: “Deklan, I understand you are upset, but this is a hard no. Snowmobiles are very expensive and dangerous for a 4 year old. Mommy saw a LOT of things she really wanted today but couldn’t buy because everything costs MON-EY and the last time I checked, you are not bringing any in. Now please stop this.”

Deklan: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GIVE ME, GIVE ME, GIVE ME!”

Completely over this exchange I turned back to my InStyle magazine knowing we were just going to have ride it out. That’s when the deep rooted rage kicked in from the lunatic 4 year old behind me who wasn’t getting his way or any attention, so he turned to Carter and started screaming in his face, “AAAAHHHHH!” Understandably frightened by this, Carter immediately starts crying. Ugh. For the love of God just make it stop. This carried on for a solid 30 minutes straight until Deklan finally wore himself out enough he crashed. Sweet Jesus.

By the time we made it to the parade one of us was well-rested and in better spirits, and the other poured herself a solo cup full of homemade spirits. Happy Holidays, Friends!