I think this goes without saying, but parenting is hard work. It takes a level of patience that I wasn’t born with. The kind of deep unconditional love that allows you to experience heaven and hell at the same time. An acceptance that you won’t always get it right, you just hope you get it a little more right than the next person because you live in a constant state of comparison. A never-ending struggle over how to spend your time because everything you choose is at the expense of something else – and you aren’t fully able to give 100% of yourself to anything. It’s mentally and physically exhausting and it has the ability to break you.
I often get asked how I ‘do it all.’ And the answer is, I don’t. I feel like I’m barely meeting expectations 90% of the time in most aspects of my life. That’s really kind of sad when you stop and think about it, and yet I can guarantee I’m not the only mother that feels that way.
I have the great fortune of learning from a phenomenal female leader who has mastered the art of simplifying complex issues. Instead of listing out a million goals for the year, she has me focus on one thing I want to stop doing, start doing, and continue doing. Applying this same logic to my personal life has helped silence the negative mind talk so that I can spend my time focused on things that fuel me.
Here are three tips that have helped me navigate the ‘do it all’ trap that consumes our social media feeds and conversations as working moms:
STOP comparing myself to others. This one has hit me hard since starting this blog. It’s a saturated market full of beautiful people outfitted in the latest trends gifted from top retailers, and photographed in Pinterest-worthy settings. And then there’s me with my poor lighting and 90’s Jacuzzi tub in the background, struggling to keep up with my goal of one new post a week in addition to managing all of my social feeds – which is a full-time job in itself. I constantly feel like I don’t stack up. And I do the same thing at work. I have really good ideas but somewhere along the way I lost the confidence to speak up until I’ve vetted them through at least 2-3 other people to get their nod of approval first. It’s unproductive. As a mother, I’ll watch the way others respond to their children when they are melting down, or observe a teaching moment, and the first thing that pops into my head is: “I’m a bad mom because I didn’t think to do it that way.” It’s got to stop. All of it.
START unplugging more. This one is a bit of a catch-22. Blogging is built on being visible on social media, but social media plays a big role in why I keep comparing myself to others. It’s also a major distraction from my own family sitting right in front of me. The other day I was trying to get my 2 –year-old’s attention and without even breaking stride my 4-year-old said, “I know why he doesn’t come when you call him. He doesn’t want to go to you when you are busy on your phone or computer.” BAM. I was instantly in tears. It hit me so hard. My husband doesn’t fully empathize because he’s not on social – and he would agree that I’m focused on my phone too often. So I’m working on it. The key is to find balance. I can do things like scheduling posts ahead of time, or having unplugged hours in the evening while the boys are awake. I need to put down the phone and live in the moment. Because it goes by so quickly.
CONTINUE being authentic. I started my blog because I wanted to break the mold of the typical mommy blogger ‘perfect life’ reality. I share stories of the not-so-glamorous aspects of parenting to evoke laughter and create a sense of connection with my readers. I show various looks on how you can style one article of clothing 5-7 ways to inspire women to look differently at their existing wardrobe knowing that, like me, most don’t have endless funds for shopping. I’m opening the doors for scrutiny by exposing my life in a very real way, and that can be scary. There have been many times where I will be writing and stop and think, “do I want to go there?” and if it’s something that has been weighing heavily on my heart, I always do. What I’ve found is that every time I’ve had those moments of pause, those are the posts that get the most feedback from my readers. I have been moved to tears reading the emails and comments I receive from my community who share that the every day moments of kids screaming are a refreshing dose of reality. Authenticity is what allows you to truly connect with others and I’m grateful for the opportunity to do just that, so I will continue!
Special thanks to Mainstream Boutique for featuring this piece on your Stories We Love blog!
XO,
Amy
♥ Photo Credit: Carly Milbrath Photography
16 comments
I found you from the Style Encore post and I have to say, you’re my new favorite blog just from a few posts I just read! I’m a local MN mom too to one boy, age 3 and your post about dinner time was rather familiar to me! Anyway, I wanted to comment on this one, I love the idea of checking in on yourself! I want to stop complaining as much, sometimes I get bogged down in negative talk and it’s just no good. I want to start working out more, my goal is to do five 5ks this year and actually run the entire thing by the last one. And I want to continue my reading challenge, it’s been good to step away from TV and social media and unwind with a book. Ok, now that I’ve written a book, nice to “meet” you and I look forward to following now that I’ve found you!
YAY! I’m so glad we found each other! Thank you for commenting. The stop complaining is a good one. I too tend to get caught up in the negativity – whether it’s mind talk or office chatter. Good luck with your 5k’s 🙂
You. are. the. truth.
I ran up on you through Pinterest, where you styled the Carly that I thought was a frumps in the dumps joke. Now, I got one. LLR should give you a commish. I digress- I stayed because you keep it real. Even when keeping it real goes wrong! I love the pants-peeing, toddlers hollering, tub in the background tell-all that is your blog. I ADORE that you’re not all “highlight reel” with no “cutting room floor.” The best parts of life end up on the cutting room floor far too often. Yours is a story that leaves me feeling not quite so alone versus most other blogs that leave me feeling “less than.” I’m sure I’m not the only one that feels this way. So rock out with your metaphorical cock out, Amy Seeman.
My own focus for the year is to be faithful in the small things. Consistent. I’m pretty dope at making dinners and dress up outfits and I’m down to cuddle with my babies all the time. But my SUV looks like a giant purse on the inside and I might not put the laundry away for days after its been folded. I want to start tasks and COMPLETE them. Like, all the way done. Anyway, that’s what’s up.
You’re amaze-balls. Thanks for giving up a peek at your life!
Also, I’m relatively certain that lots of women see you as a standard of comparison. Girl, you are super stylish. Bees knees and all!
mucho xoxo
HAHAHA! I am DYING laughing at this comment! I have a feeling you and I would get along real well ;). Seriously, thank you SO much for taking time to leave a note and share your “start, stop, continue”. I’m the WORST at putting away laundry and my car smells like stale milk because there’s probably a yogurt squeezie buried deep somewhere. Cheers, Mama!
So funny how we compare ourselves to others – I look at your posts and wish my wardrobe looked more like yours!! Thanks you for the fashion ideas, markup tips, and wonderful humor – and I think the tub keeps it authentic!
Yes, I think we all play the comparison game! Thank you for the kind words. The goal with the fashion posts is always to inspire and educate so you can build a wardrobe that makes you feel your best self – and hopefully I can continue to do that for years to come!
Hi Amy,
I’m an Amy as well 😆! I love the way you broke down your goals and talked about the work it takes to meet them. I love that your pictures aren’t perfect, who cares that your are in your bathroom, I think it makes you come across as real. Some photos are so forced or too pofessioal looking, makes me think the whole blog is staged. Ifound you via Pinterest looking for for style ideas and I enjoy your voice and perspective. Thank you! Have a great weekend!!
Thank you so much for taking a minute to share your thoughts, Amy! Us Amy’s got to stick together ;). I’ve literally been moved to tears this week reading all the comments and seeing others share their “start, stop, continue’s”. Women lifting up women is what gives me life!
Ok…I think you are FABULOUS!! I found your blog when I was searching for a different way to style a lularoe dress on Google, and I started reading your posts and I swear you were taking the words right out of my mouth on some posts and I was laughing out loud! I am a mom of 2 boys (4&5) in Idaho, and I definitely want to stop comparing myself to EVERYONE it is so draining and self defeating and I do it ALL the time; I want to start working out again consistently…my once college athlete body has sadly faded; and I want to continue to push myself out of my comfort zones daily (such as replying to a blog of someone I don’t even know, ha)! Looking forward to future blog posts! 🙂
Chelsea! Your comments made my day! Thank you for taking the time to leave a note and share your “start, stop, continue”! A friend of my said she wants to continue eating healthy and exercising because she loves her body, not because she hates it and I was like “YES, GIRL!” What an inspiring way to approach it! It’s so nice to {virtually} meet you, sista from a different mista ;).
LOVE ❤️ THIS. I found one of your fashion blogs while searching on Pinterest in the middle of the night while feeding my 9 month. I was then hooked! I love how real you keep it. Your fashion is fresh and also attainable for running around after my baby! I found it hard after having a baby to put my style back together which was always important to me prior to having her. I love that I can read your blog and see looks that I can put together from things already in my closet. Plus laugh and giggle at your life stories! Thanks for putting yourself out there!
Side note my friend recently got the newest iPhone and the “portrait”mode is super crisp.
Hey, Mama! So glad you stumbled upon my blog – and keep coming back for more 🙂 I love hearing stories where I’ve inspired someone or simply made them laugh, so thank you for sharing! I went through a similar style rut phase after my second son was born where I felt like I didn’t even know what I liked or didn’t like anymore. Crazy what pregnancy does to your body and mind! Thanks for the photo tip! I might have to try to talk the hubs into a new phone ;).
I have some serious envy of your wardrobe and the fact that you always know how to style things! It’s funny how we can see ourselves one way, like not feeling like I’m stylish, yet others see us so differently. I just had a friend tell me that I’m the most stylish person she knows, umm what???
I definitely find that I compare myself to others, and I’ve been trying to not be so dang hard on myself this year.
I absolutely love the idea of doing a start doing, stop doing, and continue doing, I think I’ll adopt this into my life.
P.S.
I love all the stories you have of parenting!
You are so right! Mind talk has the ability to take us down a rabbit hold based entirely on our own false perceptions. It’s draining and something I’ve had to learn how to work myself out of before I go too deep. It’s funny how when we start to open up we find that we ALL have the same struggles no matter how put together we look from the outside :). Thank you for sharing! XO
OMG I think you’re super stylish ,I wish I could look so put together!
HAHAH! Thank you for the compliment! And I would disagree in that you absolutely can look put together, my dear! All of the fashion posts are meant to inspire others on how to create looks from pieces you probably already have in your closet, not to push product on you. Try pulling up some of your favorite looks while standing in your closet to see what you can replicate. Or email me through the “contact me” page with what your challenges are and I’d be happy to give you some personalized styling tips!